This week I was told the project I have been promised for Q3 has disappeared. I knew the legacy application I’m in charge of wasn’t going away but I never thought that the source of my hope would be killed. I immediately saw my career paths being uprooted like a scene from Inception. Would I be stuck in legacy land? Will I ever get to build a new product? There are immediate options forming but they don’t excite me… which my boss knows… because I told him. (I’m very lucky to have had a string of bosses that I can be honest with.)
I was bummed after the news and began to notice other undesirable things happening. A meeting I was looking forward to, because it was related to these immediate options, was cancelled at the last minute. Other parts of my schedule fell through which matters because others were forced to jump through hoops to accommodate my day. Nolan has a earache and I had to take him to the doctor. Traffic was a bear and I made some poor decisions driving which resulted in a longer drive there. My gas tank was nearly empty.
One has to be careful to avoid hypersensitivity of unwelcome personal nuggets when a few have been identified in a brief period. That state garners more negativity which feeds vulnerability. I start associating the weakest problems, like an empty gas tank, with my made-up overall state. Reinforcing. Boosting.
Bad habits and ideas come out when I’m in a slump. “I deserve…” is followed by large portions of unhealthy food or dreams of trips we shouldn’t spend the money to experience. I’ll eat till I’m unhappy which triggers another loop of sad faces. But luckily I’m identifying these loops and slumps. I know that I’m in a short phase of dissatisfaction and I’ll come out soon. I always do. Most people do.
This afternoon a coworker came by and told me that I’m being looked out for by people above me. They know my skills aren’t being utilized and that I
can do should be doing more for the company. Hearing the compliment was enough to pull me out of the funk. Learning that people care about me was icing on the cake. My gut says that any options for me are still months out but I can have faith, as this coworker asked me to have, and be useful in the meantime.